Easter Eggs Extravaganza 2010
A Story Retold: “Doubting Thomas”
Adapted from John 20 (The Message):
CHARACTERS:
…JESUS…JIMMY…JOHNNY…MATT…PETE…THOMASSCENE I:JOHNNY: Hey, guys, thanks for meeting here. It’s a tough scene out there. Jimmy, did you lock the doors?JIMMY: They’re locked.JOHNNY: Are we all here?JIMMY: Not Thomas. I haven’t seen him for a while. I hope they didn’t get him, too. I can’t believe all that’s happened these last few.(JESUS enters through the door.)MATT: Hey, that door’s locked! You can’t come in here!PETE: Wait a minute, Matt—that’s Jesus!MATT: Hey, knock it off, alright? I can see in this lantern light as good as you and there’s no way it’s—Hey, Jesus!JESUS: Peace to you.PETE: Whoa, man, this is crazy.JESUS holding out his hands, showing them his side: Check it out.MATT: Hey, I can’t believe this. This is just too surreal. Wooo-hooo!PETE rubbing his eyes: I believe this is happening, but there’s no freaking way this is real.JESUS: Peace to you. Just as the Father sent me, I send you.JIMMY: Send us? Where to, Jesus?JESUS taking deep breath and breathing onto them: Receive the Holy Spirit. If you forgive someone’s sins, they’re gone for good. If you don’t forgive them, they are not forgiven. Gotta go—poof!(Jesus exits.)MATT: Hey, this door is still locked. How’d he get out of here?JOHNNY: I think that’s obvious. Where’s my notebook?PETE: Man. Oh boy!JIMMY: I wish Thomas would’ve seen this. He’ll never believe it.JOHNNY: Hush! I hear someone. Look out the key hole, there, and see who it is.THOMAS knocking: It’s me, Thomas. Let me in.JIMMY: Who? Thomas? Thomas isn’t here.THOMAS: No, I’m Thomas. Open up! You think I can just walk through the door or something?JIMMY: It’s Thomas! Thomas, get in here, quick! We saw Jesus!THOMAS: Whatever. What?PETE: Jesus, man. We saw him. He came in here and was like, ‘Peace, yo.’JOHNNY: Really, Thomas, it all happened just like that. I even wrote it down.THOMAS: ‘Peace, yo’? Right. Too bad, honeys. You’ve all been cooped up in this room too long. Unless I see the nail holes in his hands, put my finger in the nail holes, and stick my hand in his side, I’ll never believe that. You can write that down, too, Johnny.SCENE I again, but eight days later…JOHNNY: Guys—uh, Jimmy, is that door locked?JIMMY: Right on, Johnny.JOHNNY: Listen, guys, it’s been eight days since we saw Jesus, and—.”THOMAS: Would you just cut the ‘We saw Jesus’ baloney and talk like you haven’t left reality behind?JESUS entering through the door: Peace to you.THOMAS: Oh. My. God.PETE to THOMAS: See, man? See what we were meaning and believing? Dude! Check it out, Thomas!JESUS: Thomas, take your finger and examine my hands. Take your hand and stick it in my side. Don’t be unbelieving. Believe.THOMAS: My Master! My God!JESUS: So, you believe because you’ve seen with your own eyes. Even better blessings are in store for those who believe without seeing.THOMAS: Grab a pen! Write this down! This is way cool!MATT: Hey, Jesus, believe what? Believe what without seeing?JOHNNY grabbing his pen and notebook: Jesus provided far more God-revealing signs than are written down in this book. These are written down so you will believe that Jesus is the Messiah, the Son of God, and in the act of believing, have real and eternal life in the way he personally revealed it.JESUS: Peace out, ya’ll.Two Ways to Say “You’re Wrong, You Stupid Idiot”
Two unfortunate email signature lines:
“I know that you believe you understand what you think I said, but I’m not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.”
“God said it, I believe it, that settles it.”
N at P’s House (and Vice Versa)
N’s latest infatuation is imaginary playing with P, a real friend who isn’t really always at our house.
Last night, N kept insisting that she wanted to take her bath in the morning. She moped on the bathroom floor, cried when I tried to get her ready for the tub, and so on.
Then she said that she wanted to go downstairs to play with P.
“Ah, but P’s already in the tub,” I said. “She’s playing with the toys there.” I went over to the now lukewarm water and splashed a bit with P.
Not one minute later, N was asking for a bath.
In Love with Jesus
This morning in church M wrote a note to me about the lectionary reading Jesus Annointed at Bethany: “Maybe Mary was in love with him.”
I whispered back, “Or else his feet stank. She was at them enough, don’t you think?”
Then I remembered the story of Ruth and Boaz, where Ruth initiates courtship with Boaz in a customary show of humility (see Ruth 3) by lying down at his feet. Is this what Mary of Bethany was doing with that expensive perfume?
If this sounds like the stuff of Dan Brown’s The Da Vinci Code, along the lines of Jesus and Mary Magdalene as a couple, I wouldn’t know it–I haven’t read the book. But Wikipedia suggests that not everyone believes that Mary of Bethany–Lazarus’s and Martha’s sister–and the demon-possessed Mary Magdalene were the same lady.
Maybe M’s is a different love story supposition.
Wednesday’s Breakfast
I Love the IRS
I sent off my tax return gleefully, salivating over the credit-enhanced refund I had figured out were headed our way.
It may be the last time I do my own taxes, considering I made a huge error.
Thankfully it was an error in our favor.
So we got more back than we’d expected.
Like 73% more than we’d expected.
In the letter notifying us of the change to our return, under the heading “What You Should Do If You Agree With The Change,” the IRS stated…well, I don’t really know what it says, since I am not in a disagreeing spirit at the moment.
I love the IRS!
Counting Fun
I Do Creative Etymology
Last Sunday’s discussion time at church revolved around idolatry.
“Isn’t it idolatry when something controls you?” someone asked.
“No,” I said. “That’s addiction.” I’d just finished off a mug of coffee that I’d filled half from the decaf pot and half from the regular pot before learning that both pots were fully regular. “Idolatry is more about ‘I’ and ‘do’–it’s when we try to control something, to do something we want. I sometimes find myself idolizing my house projects, and fretting about the $50,000 I don’t have to do them with. I think that’s my idolatry. So I’m thinking about playing the lottery.”
“If you don’t play, you’ll never get the chance to lose,” someone said.
“Is it idolatry that I like to read the news on the computer every morning rather than reading more from the Bible?” someone else said.
“Why are computers so appealing–even addicting?” I said. “Because we can control our ‘existence’ on them so thoroughly. We are in charge when we’re in our virtual worlds. We pick the news outlets and expect to get what we want immediately and even effortlessly. We edit our photos so they look how we want them. We’re in charge.”
Then someone mentioned idolizing Jesus, and I just had to jump in and keep on going: “That’s the problem with religion–we try to control Jesus. We idolize him, and try to make him ours and in our image.”
Tomorrow: Sunday. More coffee.
Lady in Red
