A Telling of John 21:1-14

(All disciples sit around a campfire, looking bored.) 

SIMON PETER (standing): I’m going fishing.

(Nobody responds.) 

 SIMON PETER (clearing his throat): Like I said, I’m going fishing.

 (All others look at each other, grumble and shrug.) 

 JOHN: Well, I believe we will all come along.

(All get in the boat, shove off shore, and sit, bored, catching nothing all night.) 

THOMAS: I can’t believe you wanted to go fishing, Rock. What a dumb idea.

JAMES: Oh, I don’t know. I can’t say I mind the quiet time to meditate on the recent turns of events that have really thrown us all for a loop. As Buddha would have said, “When things go wrong, there’s nothing a little fishing won’t fix.”

 JOHN: I don’t believe Buddha ever said that. 

JAMES: Stop interrupting my being-less-ness, please.

NATHANAEL (yawning): Fishing sure beats working on my kitchen, though. Not that I know how to work on it, since I have no carpentry skills. Let alone money. Should I just scrape by so I can pay someone to do it all? Limp through just trying to do it myself? Settle for whatever? Whatever. Kitchens!

THOMAS: Fishing also sure beats hiding out behind locked doors. In fact, this is much better. Here we are, just sitting out here in the open, nothing to shield us from the ridicule of everyone pointing at us and laughing: ‘Hey look! All the king’s men!’ … ‘Fishers of men! Ha! They ain’t even fishers!’

SIMON PETER: Okay, okay, so I can’t deny that we’ve caught no fish tonight. But you all shush; I think that turkey on the beach is listening to every word we say. Or else he’s studying my studly chest, since I’m not wearing any clothes. It even says it in the Bible: I’M NOT WEARING ANY CLOTHES!

(Jesus stands on the beach.) 

JESUS (calling): Good morning! Did you catch anything for breakfast?

THOMAS (calling): No, and–I believe my grumbling stomach–not for a midnight snack, neither.

JAMES (calling): It’s okay, though–we’re just loving the meditating that we’re getting done. 

NATHANAEL: Shut your traps, boys, or I’ll put you all back in my new root cellar and put a trash can over the trap door. (Calling) No.

JESUS (calling): Throw the net off the right side of the boat and see what happens.

SIMON PETER: I think I’ve heard that before.

JOHN: Just do it, guys. You know, believe.

(They throw the net off the right side, and it nearly pulls them into the water.) 

JOHN: It’s the Master! James, where’s my notepad: This is perfect for my book!

SIMON PETER: Holy Smokes! (Pulls on some clothes and jumps into the water.)

(Disciples pull the net to shore, where a campfire is laid out, with bread and fish.)

JESUS: Bring some of the fish you’ve just caught.

NATHANAEL: Just a sec. We’ve got to count these, first.

(The disciples count the fish while JESUS impatiently taps his foot.)

JAMES: Oohmmmmmmmm…153 !

THOMAS: Can’t be. Net’s only rated to 75. 

SIMON PETER: Thomas, we know how to count.

NATHANAEL: Fellows, I’ve got it: I’m going to turn these 153 fish (minus a few for breakfast, of course) into that new breakfast nook in the new kitchen.

JESUS: Breakfast is ready.

(JESUS serves them food.)

SIMON PETER: Yum. I love fish for breakfast. I could eat this every day.

THOMAS: You already do.

JAMES: Buddha loved fish, too.

JOHN: Right.

NATHANAEL (thinking to himself, aloud): I’m not going to ask if that guy’s Jesus. (To the others) Anyone know of a good fishmonger? I’ve got a feeling my boat’s just floated straight into my kitchen.

THOMAS: Enough already about the kitchen, Nathanael. (To himself) I’m not going to ask if that guy’s Jesus.

JOHN (to himself): This is the third time, right? Man, if this won’t make people believe. (To the others) My boat’s a book, and I’m with Nathanael, here: the paddle’s in my hand already.