Advent 2013 Drama 2: Gabriel Arrives Late and Mary Scares the Bejesus Out of Elizabeth

Exploited from Luke 1:26-56 (The Message)

CHARACTERS
Gabriel
Mary, seven months pregnant, with imaginary donkey
Elizabeth, aged, wearing a covering, and extremely pregnant

SCENES
Mary’s house
Elizabeth’s house

GABRIEL (exasperated): Here I go, and I’ll tell you, I can’t say I’m too happy about it. Humans can be so doggone whiny sometimes, and doubtful. I doubt they know how annoying it is for an ANGEL OF THE LORD to travel all the way to some far-out dung hill of a rustic town where they don’t even have electricity yet–and no smart phones. Imagine: No smart phones! Thank God!–just to tell people that they should stop down at the pharmacy and pick up a pregnancy test, since they’re such doubters and all.

So it’s been six months since old Zechariah and Elizabeth got their so-to-speak “act” together, and now I’ve got to go and tell some other young woman who’s never had sex that she, too, is going to have a baby.

I daresay I didn’t go through holiness training for this.

(With some sarcasm)
Oh look, there she is: Mary. How lovely.

(Declaring)
Good morning! You’re beautiful with God’s beauty, beautiful inside and out! God be with you.

Now don’t get all shaky on me. I didn’t glue these wings on this morning. Nope–they’re gen-u-ine, A-grade alpaca lamb wool lovingly plucked from the heavenly flocks in sheepherders’ paradise.

MARY (accusingly): Do you always go around telling women they’re beautiful? That’s so old-fashioned. My feminine beauty is not some commodity that I am wearing for your personal enjoyment. You like my hair color, and so you say, “God be with you”? What’s up with that?

GABRIEL: I did say the part about “God’s beauty” and “beautiful inside and out,” didn’t I? Drat– Where’d I put my notes?

MARY: You’re still carrying around note paper? Geesh, buster–that’s so yesterday. We’re more into touch screen scrolls around here.

GABRIEL (pulling out his note paper): Mary, you have nothing to fear. God has a surprise for you: You will become pregnant–

MARY: Uh, hello. I already am. Notice? This isn’t seven months of Cheetos, here.

GABRIEL: Oh drat. I’m seven months late? Where’s my Rolex? (Sobbing) Why me, Lord?

MARY: Is this some kind of joke? I’ve been wondering what kind of surprise (pointing at belly) this was ever since I started wanting kosher pickles for breakfast. I mean, Joseph’s a good guy: We didn’t even hold hands until we were engaged, and then we only did that when his dad was there to supervise.

GABRIEL: Well, let me catch you up to speed: You will give birth to a son and call his name Jesus. He will be great, be called ‘Son of the Highest.’ The Lord God will give him the throne of his father David; He will rule Jacob’s house forever—no end, ever, to his kingdom.

MARY: I’m so relieved. Here I’ve been promising Joseph I’ll diet after our wedding so I wouldn’t have to tell him I’m pregnant, which I don’t think he’d have taken kindly.

GABRIEL: I’m not finished. The Holy Spirit will come upon you–errrrr, I think it means, it already has come upon you–and the power of the Highest hover over you. Therefore, the child you bring to birth will be called Holy, Son of God.

MARY: Yeah, Holy sure is the right word, here. Holy cow!

GABRIEL: Would you please let me finish? Did you know that your cousin Elizabeth conceived a son, old as she is? Everyone called her barren, and here she is six months…no, wait…thirteen months pregnant! Nothing, you see, is impossible with God.

MARY: Thanks for the clarity, Angel.

GABRIEL: You need to talk with Elizabeth ASAP. And Joseph, too, but I still need to read the manual on that one, so not quite yet. But Elizabeth has something to say to you that you really need to hear.

MARY: Elizabeth? But she lives out in the hill country! I’m already starting to hate these late-term donkey rides. Okay, okay, I’m going.

(Rides donkey; arrives outside Elizabeth’s house.)

Halloooo, Elizabeth!

ELIZABETH: Holy-Mother-of-God but you scared me, riding up all quiet like that and then letting out a “Hullaballooooo” so loud my little baby–well, he’s not so little now, at thirteen months–kicked my gall bladder again. Why are you here, o blessed woman, who believed what God said, believed every word would come true!

MARY: To sing with you, Elizabeth! Strike up the band!

I’m bursting with God-news;
I’m dancing the song of my Savior God.
God took one good look at me, and look what happened—
I’m the most fortunate woman on earth!
What God has done for me will never be forgotten,
the God whose very name is holy, set apart from all others.
His mercy flows in wave after wave
on those who are in awe before him.
He bared his arm and showed his strength,
scattered the bluffing braggarts.
He knocked tyrants off their high horses,
pulled victims out of the mud.
The starving poor sat down to a banquet;
the callous rich were left out in the cold.
He embraced his chosen child, Israel;
he remembered and piled on the mercies, piled them high.
It’s exactly what he promised,
beginning with Abraham and right up to now.

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