Exploited from Luke 2:1-20 (The Message)
CHARACTERS
Caesar Augustus
Servant
Joseph
Mary
Angel 1
Angel 2
Angel 3
Angel 4
Angel choir
Shepherd 1
Shepherd 2
Shepherd 3
SCENES
Caesar’s palace
Road to Bethlehem
Sheep field
Stable with manger
SCENE 1: CAESAR’S PALACE
Caesar Augustus: How great is my domain, the domain of Caesar Augustus! How far reaching is my sphere of influence!
Servant: Not little, Caesar’s. Good questions, my lord.
Caesar Augustus (crisply): Those weren’t questions. They were statements.
Servant: Good statements, my lord.
Caesar Augustus: Yes, thank you.
Awkward pause
Caesar Augustus: So… How great is my domain? How far reaching is my sphere of influence? How many people are under my immense jurisdiction?
Servant: It’s not little, Caesar’s. Excellent questions, my lord.
Caesar Augustus: Let’s have a census, shall we? Knowledge is power, after all, and I want more! Send everyone throughout my empire back to their ancestral hometowns to be counted, like sheep.
Servant: Every last person?
Caesar Augustus: Other than royalty, yes.
Servant: Any exceptions? For sickness, or the death of an immediate family member? I know non-essential federal employees can be spared, but how about the essential ones?
Caesar Augustus: Nope. No exceptions, except for my closest friends and family. Not even for pregnant ladies about to give birth.
Servant: It is their fault that they’re pregnant, after all. Excellent judgment, my lord.
Caesar Augustus: Yes! I’m glad we so easily reached consensus on the census.
SCENE 2: ROAD TO BETHLEHEM
Joseph: Come on, you old mule-brained piece of worthless horse wannabe.
Mary: I told you we should have bought that dappled gray instead of this dull gray donkey.
Joseph: Yeah, yeah. But in your state, you’d need a team of Clydesdales.
Mary: Come on now, Joseph, it’s not my fault I’m pregnant.
Joseph: Nor mine.
Mary: But be nice, love. It’s Christmas, after all.
Joseph: It’s what, Mary? “Christmas”? Okay, I’m sorry. I’m just really stressed.
Mary: Me, too–ooomph, I wonder if I’ve been having contractions.
Joseph: Really? What are we going to do?
Mary: Maybe they’re just Braxton Hicks. They sometimes….ooomph, there’s another one. Where’s my diary? I want to record everything that’s happening.
Joseph: There’s an inn. I’ll see if we can sleep here tonight.
SCENE 3: SHEEP FIELD
Shepherd 1: Brrr. It’s cold tonight.
Shepherd 2: But clear. Look at those stars.
Shepherd 3: Lots of meteorites tonight.
Shepherd 2: You mean meteors? They’re only meteorites once they’ve hit the ground.
Shepherd 1: Or you could call them meteoroids, if they’re still in space or if they hit the ground, or if they’re streaking across the sky like meteors.
Shepherd 3: Yup. Lots of ‘em. Look at those big ones!
Angel 1: Don’t be afraid.
Angel 2: I’m here to announce a great and joyful event that is meant for everybody, worldwide!
Angel 3: A Savior has just been born in David’s town, a Savior who is Messiah and Master.
Angel 4: This is what you’re to look for: a baby wrapped in a blanket and lying in a manger.
Angel choir: “Gloria, Gloria, Gloria”
Shepherd 1: Wow. That was so cool. Should we go to Bethlehem?
Shepherd 3: What about the sheep? They need a manager, too.
Shepherd 2: They said manger, not manager. Yes! Right now! Let’s go!
Shepherd 3: But what about the sheep manager?
Shepherd 1: Forget the sheep, wool brain! Let’s go!
SCENE 4: STABLE WITH MANGER
Mary, Joseph and angels sing “Baby Jesus.”
Shepherds arrive at the stable and look in.
Shepherd 1: Look! There’s the baby and his mom Mary, and Joseph!
Shepherd 2: Just like the angel said.
Shepherd 3: But where’s the manager?
Shepherd 1: Let’s tell everyone what we’ve seen! Come on!