Scripture Mash Up: Isaiah 56:1, 6-8, Psalm 67, Romans 11:1-2, 29-32, Matthew 15:10-28 (NRSV), Spice Girls
Characters: Jesus, Canaanite Woman, Peter
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JESUS (teaching): Hey, folks, now listen. Seriously, what is it that makes a person “bad” or not?
PETER: Not following religious rules? Crossing boundaries?
JESUS: Not necessarily. It is not what goes into the mouth that defiles a person, but it is what comes out of the mouth that defiles.
PETER: I’m not sure what you meant by that, Jesus, but I can see you’re ruffling some Pharisaical feathers over yonder.
JESUS: Let them lead themselves into a pit. That’s how it works, you know: Every plant that my heavenly Father has not planted will be uprooted. Let them alone; they are blind guides of the blind. And if one blind person guides another, both will fall into a pit. Then maybe they’ll see how much of a problem they are–for themselves.
PETER: Heh, heh. I can’t wait to see this. Where’s the pit? I want to watch.
JESUS: Peter, listen. Hey everyone, keep listening! We are all at a crossroads. What does God really want? I tell you what he wants, what he really, really wants: As Isaiah wrote, maintain justice and do what is right; God will bring all people–foreigners included–to him. All people are God’s people, and the temple will be a house of prayer for all peoples! For outcasts, too! Remember that Psalm? It goes like this:
1 May God be gracious to us and bless us
and make his face to shine upon us,
CANAANITE WOMAN (interrupting): Selah!
JESUS: 2 that your way may be known upon earth,
your saving power among all nations.
3 Let the peoples praise you, O God;
let all the peoples praise you.
4 Let the nations be glad and sing for joy,
for you judge the peoples with equity
and guide the nations upon earth.
CANAANITE WOMAN (interrupting): Selah!
JESUS: 5 Let the peoples praise you, O God;
let all the peoples praise you.
6 The earth has yielded its increase;
God, our God, has blessed us.
7 May God continue to bless us;
let all the ends of the earth revere him.
CANAANITE WOMAN (interrupting): Selah!
PETER: Okay, so God loves all people. Right. But tell us again, what did you mean when you said, “It is not what goes into the mouth that defiles a person, but it is what comes out of the mouth that defiles”?
JESUS: You still don’t get this? For Pete’s sake, sometimes you’re as blind as the Pharisees, Peter. Do you not see that whatever goes into the mouth enters the stomach, and goes out into the sewer? But what comes out of the mouth proceeds from the heart, and this is what defiles. Let’s talk about some examples. What comes out of your mouth from your heart and defiles?
PETER: Cheesy Valentine’s Day poems?
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
You think you’re so cute
But I can’t stand you.
JESUS: Right! But even more so, evil intentions! Murder! Adultery!
CANAANITE WOMAN (interrupting): Oh, I get it! Prejudice! Discriminatory practices! Thinking that other people are somehow worth less than you!
JESUS: Fornication! Theft!
CANAANITE WOMAN (interrupting): Prejudice! Discrimination! Thinking that other people are somehow worth less than you!
JESUS: False witness! And slander!
CANAANITE WOMAN (interrupting): Prejudice! Discrimination! Thinking that other people are somehow worth less than you!
JESUS: These things that I listed are what defile a person, not failing to observe silly ceremonial rules about eating.
PETER: I think I understand now. This is all about mercy, about including everyone in God’s love. Whew. Got it. But Jesus, it’s time we leave this place and to to Tyre and Sidon.
JESUS: Yes, let’s–
CANAANITE WOMAN: Wait! Wait a minute! Have mercy on me, Lord, Son of David; my daughter is tormented by a demon!
JESUS: I’m ready when you are, Peter. I’m feeling rather tormented, myself. Tyre and Sidon, here we come!
CANAANITE WOMAN (interrupting): But Jesus! Wait!
PETER: Just ignore that Canaanite lady, Jesus. Why’s she shouting, anyway? We’d best move along.
JESUS: We’d best. After all, I was sent only to the lost sheep of the house of Israel.
CANAANITE WOMAN (approaching and kneeling): Sir, help me!
JESUS: But it is not fair to take the children’s food and throw it to the dogs.
CANAANITE WOMAN: Dogs? Dogs? Is that what you think of me and my people? As somehow less than anyone else? (Pause) But think, Sir, even the dogs eat the crumbs that fall from their masters’ tables.
JESUS (taken aback): Yes. I see now. God’s people are all people; God’s love is for all people. Woman, great is your faith! Let it be done for you as you wish.
